I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
