this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
