I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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