it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm passing your future prison.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
