she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
