I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
