Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
