White coat. Heels.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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