I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh god it's open bar.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
