Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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