Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
