dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at about main and main street
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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