the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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