I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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