Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
