I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
