The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize