dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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