Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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