She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
