Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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