i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
