Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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