Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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