Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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