it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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