I didn't shave. On purpose
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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