That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
