omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
