Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
