Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
