why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
