What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
