Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
