i may or may not be watching the land before time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
