I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
