Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
