So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
