I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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