so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
