what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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