Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
