i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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