so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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