First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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