She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
