the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
