People with herpes should wear stickers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
