just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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