i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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