That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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