am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
