just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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