Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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