Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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