Where is the hickey?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
