Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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