the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize