I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
