A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
