I got chris browned last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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