now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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