You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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