She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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