he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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