Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
