i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
