Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
