would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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