i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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