We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
