I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
