I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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