Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
