Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
