New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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