At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
