my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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