And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
